One year ago this month, I lost my dad to Pancreatic Cancer. I lost him sooner than I wanted to. He died 7 months before my wedding, and I wasn’t ready to lose him. For those of you that know me, until now you probably have not heard me hit much on the topic. I like to think I wear my feelings on my sleeve, but according to my husband, my heart is one thing I keep hidden. A lot of you ask, ‘how are you?’ or ‘how is your mom?’. Well, one year later, it’s almost as hard as the day we lost him. I got through my birthday, I got through Thanksgiving, but here we are in the month of December and there is an empty place on the mantel where his stocking should be. He was in the hospital last Christmas, so he never got to see our tree for the last time. For the most part, things have gotten easier, but when it comes to this Holiday, pulling out the decorations doesn’t quite seem the same. That’s what brought me to this post. Blogging is about sharing your feelings (sometimes), right? Sharing your life with other bloggers, and sharing things that are close to your heart. I miss sharing a box of donuts from the Krispy Kreme factory with my dad. I miss the endless trivia facts he told EVERYONE. I miss trips to the Goodwill, and I especially miss the 90’s mom jeans he would buy me and I would NEVER wear. My dad and I would have movie dates, and he taught me how to drive by taking me to every go-kart place in Raleigh, NC. After go-karting we would hit up Waffle House at 2am for hash browns and coffee. No, we never actually got any waffles. I have had so many various dreams of my dad where I cling to him for just a little more time. More hugs. More chances to do the things we loved doing. I miss visiting the train station where he worked for 50 years to see his old buddies. Trains were one of his favorite things in the world. When a train honks it’s horn, I just stand and listen. I will always remember him, at least through trains, passing by.