A Train Passing By

One year ago this month, I lost my dad to Pancreatic Cancer. I lost him sooner than I wanted to. He died 7 months before my wedding, and I wasn’t ready to lose him. For those of you that know me, until now you probably have not heard me hit much on the topic. I like to think I wear my feelings on my sleeve, but according to my husband, my heart is one thing I keep hidden. A lot of you ask, ‘how are you?’ or ‘how is your mom?’. Well, one year later, it’s almost as hard as the day we lost him. I got through my birthday, I got through Thanksgiving, but here we are in the month of December and there is an empty place on the mantel where his stocking should be. He was in the hospital last Christmas, so he never got to see our tree for the last time. For the most part, things have gotten easier, but when it comes to this Holiday, pulling out the decorations doesn’t quite seem the same. That’s what brought me to this post. Blogging is about sharing your feelings (sometimes), right? Sharing your life with other bloggers, and sharing things that are close to your heart. I miss sharing a box of donuts from the Krispy Kreme factory with my dad. I miss the endless trivia facts he told EVERYONE. I miss trips to the Goodwill, and I especially miss the 90’s mom jeans he would buy me and I would NEVER wear. My dad and I would have movie dates, and he taught me how to drive by taking me to every go-kart place in Raleigh, NC. After go-karting we would hit up Waffle House at 2am for hash browns and coffee. No, we never actually got any waffles. I have had so many various dreams of my dad where I cling to him for just a little more time. More hugs. More chances to do the things we loved doing. I miss visiting the train station where he worked for 50 years to see his old buddies. Trains were one of his favorite things in the world. When a train honks it’s horn, I just stand and listen. I will always remember him, at least through trains, passing by.


  1. Lauren
    December 3, 2011 / 10:26 am

    This is really beautiful Kaytee. I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't been through your experience but I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you. Stay strong. xx

  2. Mia
    December 4, 2011 / 12:25 am

    I'm so sorry. I have this fear that something like this will happen to me- and I'm sad to hear it's happened to you and your family. Make it through Christmas. You can do it.

  3. Sydney
    December 4, 2011 / 12:26 pm

    Kaytee, this is a gorgeous post. I lost my dad last year as well (Oct. 6, 2010). He never saw my first apartment or got to celebrate in me landing a new job. He died suddenly. I heard he was in the hospital on Tuesday evening. My husband and I drove down to Yorktown and he was gone by late Wednesday night. I am so glad you did a tribute post to him. For so many people that day is just another day, but for you, that day is a day of sadness, a day of remembering, and NOT just another day. Here is the post I did for my dad. Thank you for sharing yours.http://chicstripes.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/a-tribute/Sydney

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